At Stanford there was this Professor who was a total bitch and she taught British Literature, which was cool. Except she taught only her opinions of the books and it didn’t help me as a writer. I went to school to learn new things to improve my craft, not have someone else’s opinions carved onto my forehead.
So anyway, for our final project, she asked us to write a ten page paper on why the color symbolism in Othello was so significant. I did some research and it turned out that she did her entire graduate thesis on this very subject. I was mad. This wasn’t teaching, this was boosting her ego. SO I wrote a ten page essay on why color symbolism in Othello wasn’t significant, satirizing it to the point of no return, saying that her opinion was an opinion and shouldn’t be taken seriously.
SHe failed me, needless to say. So in retaliation, I responded by baking a batch of brownies laced with weed and laxatives and delivered them myself to the professor hours before her big graduation speech. I told her that it was a peace offering, my way of apologizing and asking if I could do anything to fix my grade.
She refused to fix my grade.
In the end, she shit herself on stage.
I didn’t regret it.
I like how the original title for The Fault in Our Stars is all poetic and then the Norwegians just translated it to “fuck destiny” and I think that’s beautiful
Aw man, I thought for sure this had to be bullshit but nope
Why is it always Norway
Norway, a nation where you can put the word “fuck” on the cover of a young adult novel.
how may I help you today? we have a sale on men’s cardigans perfect for the fall weathe
Hey look, its Patrick Stump from the Soul Punk era
I didn’t want to go to an engagement party, so I was asked to babysit my sister’s ridiculous dog instead.
Mayonnaise is oil, egg yolk, and vinegar. Mayonnaise scares the crap out of me.
With Kenyatta on this. Deeply afraid of mayonnaise. (Also aioli, which is just mayonnaise with no consonants in it.)